I don't want a husband, at all :(

I also really don't want a husband(((. We've been living together for 10 years... and for about 5 years now, we've had the same problem as you. I don't know what to do myself... we've tried everything already.

The first sign that everything is fading, I know it well, is when you don't want to kiss someone on the lips anymore.

I went through it... nothing helped... got divorced. Then it gets even worse. At first, you can't even kiss... but sex still happens. Then even sex starts to disgust you. After that, you won't even want to go home... but everyone's patience is different, after all))) If there's respect... I think you can last many years and have a comfortable life, especially if he doesn't stress you out too much.

I had the same thing with my first husband, it all started with a disgust for kisses....((

Sweetie, you're right... but it's so hard to divorce when everything is settled, and people have lived together for a long time, sharing so much in common, children, everything is fine except for this lack of desire!

And that's how it is for me. The first few years were fine.

For me, it's like this: we've been together for 24 years now, and after about 10 years, everything faded. But where would we even go with a divorce... What helped was that I changed jobs and spent two years constantly on business trips... The hotel, the absence of home and warmth, with no one snoring beside me! When my husband went on business trips, it wasn't like that! And I also lost 6 kg! Maybe excess weight dampens libido? Now everything seems fine—we went on vacation in the summer and barely left the bed)))

I just let my husband go.
I told him to find someone on the side.
I don’t know if he did or not, but at least if he did, he’s doing everything so I don’t find out.
I don’t want a divorce—I value him, I feel comfortable and at ease with him, I love him.
I don’t have the right to torment him.
But I won’t torment myself either.
So, it’s kind of like a compromise :)

It's natural, everything gets old over the years, how could it not?! It's sad but true, it happens to almost everyone who lives together after 7-10 years. Would you eat the same thing non-stop, wear the same thing for 10 years? Many people simply have a habit of not sticking with the same thing for too long, hence the divorces! But I respect and admire those who preserve their family at all costs, because youth doesn't last forever, and jumping from one thing to another can leave you alone, forever!

I don't want mine either (he disgusts me as a man (very rarely, very rarely! I sleep with him because I "have to" and so he thinks I want him (ugh, I hate myself for this.

Kissing him is disgusting, a wild revulsion, oral sex makes me want to vomit (I told him to find himself a woman, though of course it was said jokingly).

Everything is the same. What can we do? We're still so young!

Just imagine, you women, if your husbands took up with another woman and told you they don't see you as a woman anymore—you'd snap into action real quick. Suddenly you'd be desperate to win your husband back. You've just gotten too spoiled and complacent.

Yeah, girls... it's so sad to listen to you(((

Here, a lover becomes unbearable after 6 years, and husbands are even worse—they trigger a gag reflex...

I also got divorced. For the same reason. Sex faded away a year after the child was born. For five years, we were just friends. Then we divorced. Now our relationship is like that of relatives.

I thought I was the only one like this!!!!! Same here, after 10 years of marriage, I don’t want my husband... I also suggested he get a mistress... I don’t want a divorce either... and I also don’t see a way out.

3, sad

5, that's just it, everything else is fine: daily life is settled, I have a beloved child, no complaints about my husband. It's just that I feel no attraction to him.

8, I'm also not against having a mistress. The main thing is that it doesn't affect the family. Let her have her own life on the quiet, I don't control the person, and it's fine if she's late sometimes—I never snoop through her phone.

9, we've only been married for 5 years!!!! That's really not much. But I don't want to get divorced; I live stress-free and everything suits me. Besides, I'm a good wife, except for the intimate side.

Question for everyone: How often do you have sex with your husband???

13, 16, well, I'll tell you, those who have both a husband and a lover are just being greedy. And here we see the problem within ourselves, so............

OH MY GOD!!! How amazing that I found this page! I'm married for the second time, I love him. I respect him, but as a man, he disgusts me terribly! We have CONSTANT problems with this. He says: I'm alive, I'm a man, I need it... And I... sometimes I endured it too, and hated myself for it... But... it seems the end of this marriage is coming... It's becoming impossible to live with these constant "NEED, WANT"... UGH... I'm just losing my mind over what to do... I won't survive a second divorce... Family is VERY IMPORTANT to me!!!!!!!!!!!!! What should I do, girls?????

Olesya, why did you even get married a second time then???

I'm also on my second marriage, and if I had the same issue of not wanting to with my first husband—now everything is fine.

Didn't you already "see where you were going"???

No, the first time, that wasn't the problem at all. But there were issues with something else. That's why I divorced him... But here, damn it, it's the complete opposite... In life, in the family, everything is fine, but in bed... it's a nightmare. And it's not a nightmare for me—I've already come to terms with it and can live with him WITHOUT intimacy at all—but he can't. He just can't... and he constantly bothers me about it.

I am perfectly fine without intimacy with my husband for months... well, until my own body starts to crave it))) but he needs it every day - that's a constant!!!!

Well, I got married at 18, pregnant. I can't say I didn't love him, but for some reason, I didn't want to. We lived together for 10 years. Constantly—"Let's do it?" I just didn't feel like it... And he cheated on me all those 10 years. I used to get angry, but now I understand—he did the right thing. But now it's the opposite: I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years, I love him, I want him constantly, but maybe he has a different temperament—he only needs it once a week. So I'm suffering. And about kisses—it's written correctly: with my husband, I never wanted that at all, but with my boyfriend, I want it constantly...

Our marriage is falling apart at the seams, and I'm going crazy... I've started obsessing over this constantly: why is this happening, maybe I don't really love him, maybe I'm frigid, etc. These questions are causing me constant depression. And I feel like I already need help...

I deliberately chose based on calculation... I wanted a lot—to leave, to have a good, comfortable, secure life, and a faithful, interesting man... and I got it... yes, there's no passion, I used to avoid sex before... But my mind is in the right place; in exchange for peace, reliability, and comfort—both material and emotional—I can be, let's say, "nice" to him. And most importantly—I don't want another man... I respect my husband, and there are reasons for that. As for not "trembling under his touch"—it's a minimal price to pay for the good life my husband has created for me... I fully understand that another "desirable macho" might bring different problems...

29, that's the truth of life. Everyone wants comfort and to not be bothered.

Yes, reading them is disgusting—these status-obsessed and mercenary, soulless and cowardly people. Why are you ruining your life and your husband's? Or are you all cyborgs?

Olesya, 23! Quick march to the psychotherapist! And hurry up! :-)

Yeah, I'd love to, but where do you even find a decent psychotherapist??!!!!

And I think I'm just SICK OF THESE PROBLEMATIC MEN!!!!!!!! The first husband was a jerk!!! A lazy bum, and a huge A,,,,HOLE!!!! He left me with the child right after the hospital........ And the second one only wants sex. All family values are just dust to him.....

I'm starting to think I'm becoming a man-hater!!!! And I realize it's better for just me and my daughter to be together.... At least we'll live the way we want, and not have to adjust to these HUSBANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Леся, ты абсолютно права... жаль только, что это понимание приходит с горьким опытом. Сначала все утопают в своих мечтах об идеальном браке, а потом разбиваются об этот стереотип.

Wow, there are so many of us! I married for love, we had sex every day, sometimes more than once, and I caught myself thinking it had never been this good with anyone else. Almost two years later, I gave birth. Throughout the pregnancy, I wanted him, I initiated, and we even had sex the night before delivery. But when I returned from the hospital, something changed. The first month, I didn’t even think about sex—I had other things on my mind. And when "the time came," I realized I no longer wanted my husband, meaning I didn’t want sex at all. This went on for about a year—no attraction, no desire. Now, another year later, my desire has returned, but unfortunately, not for my husband. And my husband only adds fuel to the fire: constant arguments, dissatisfaction with me, he’s become tedious, stingy—he doesn’t give me money for clothes, monitors how much I eat, all while complaining that I’ve started looking worse. How am I supposed to look when I have to buy the cheapest, far from quality cosmetics and have been wearing the same boots for four years? Meanwhile, my husband earns well. He constantly whines (pretty much since our child was born) that I don’t work. But I can’t right now—our child is disabled, we’re waiting for surgery, and because of that, I can’t send them to daycare. I receive a pension, but he forces me to spend it on food so he doesn’t have to bear the burden alone. I’m shocked by his behavior. How could I want him after all this? And I haven’t even told the whole story—it’s too long to write. Of course, I’m no angel either. He says he doesn’t want to come home after work because a shrew (meaning me) is there. Yet he demands sex. He won’t agree to a divorce and threatens to take the child. I’m constantly depressed and have started getting sick. Sometimes I even call an ambulance because of high blood pressure... I’ve gone off-topic a bit. I just needed to vent.

Yes, girls, I have the same problem—I just don't want my husband, at all. Occasionally, it feels like I might want to, but I think it's not really him, just a physical need... even though we've only been living together for five years.

Awful, right? What's the way out of this situation? Divorce or wait for the desire to come back?

It's mind-boggling. So many people live without love and are afraid to change anything. But in reality, if your husband were to truly fall in love now, you'd start screaming and fighting. All of this happens because you get married simply because you feel you have to. There's no spiritual connection, no search for a kindred soul. And sex becomes boring without spirituality, without that spiritual closeness. That's the answer.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that mutual understanding and warmth are certainly good things, but between friends, between spouses, there must be passion. Yes, it fades, but its droplets remain, and these droplets make the person beside you very desirable... I couldn't live like that—if there's no sex, no passion, what's the point of marriage?

41. Girls, don't delude yourselves with the illusion that if your husband leaves you and finds a mistress, everything will stay the same, just without sex. Nothing of the sort. Why would a man need a wife who doesn't want him if he can get everything from another woman, and as a bonus, have great sex? You know, managing the household and all that—these aren't exclusive qualities; anyone can do it. What kind of pervert would you have to be to have great sex with a mistress and live with your wife like brother and sister for years? Logically, it would make sense to send the wife packing with all her hang-ups if she doesn't want to do anything about it herself.

But what if there are two small children and nowhere to go, and as a husband and father, he is very good—should the children be deprived of their father just because of sexual attraction to another man? I’ve been married for almost 10 years. At first, everything was there: unreal passion, sex three times a day, and the initiative even came more from me. But now, it’s either just a physical need or fulfilling marital duty... and there’s nothing to be done about it, because we have to raise the children, and another man wouldn’t give a damn about them. It’s easy to say that you can’t live like this, that you need to change your life—easy for those who live only for themselves and think only of themselves... probably.

My husband is ready and wants me every day, as he says, but I think when libido is high, it's just desire, and it's good that his wife is nearby. I've also thought all sorts of things—that I might be frigid, or that something might be off with my hormones—but recently I've realized that my desire is fine; it's just that my partner no longer attracts me as much as before, and I don't know what to do about it either.

I also don't want a husband; desire rarely comes, maybe once or twice a month. But he wants it every day. What should I do?

I agree with Marta. Would you trade a family, a father for your children, your own home, your fortress, for a member you desire?

"It's easy to say that you can't live like this, you need to change your life." Well, you change it, and then what? Change every two years? And if you change too often, you'll be called a prostitute.

42, "Why does a man need a wife who doesn't want him?" Besides sex, there are other values in this world, believe me, for those who don't understand this problem.

42. Absolutely, there is, no one denies it, but for some reason, few women admit that there can be both values and sex, and many women can provide this. Many. Yes, of course, for the sake of the children, for the sake of daily life, for the sake of the wife, one can endure, manage without sex, but without the physical component, love dies, and an empty space doesn't stay empty for long—if not you, then another woman will take a place in your husband's heart. And then everything will depend on the husband and the resourcefulness of that other woman, while you will play the role of an extra or a guard dog... It's up to you, but the status of "beloved woman" will be lost, and with the loss of status, all privileges will disappear as well.

I completely agree with guest46. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but I always get pleasure from my loved one. However, I see among my acquaintances—they "spice up" their lives with threesomes, buying some artificial toys. My God. Let them be happy. But deep down inside, I think these couples are connected only through sex, through physical love. When there are real feelings, when he is your soulmate, you always want him. Of course, there are breaks—a week or so, for various reasons like tiredness or arguments—but after some time, you want him again. And even when there's no sex as such, we cook lunch or dinner and kiss along the way, caress each other. We laugh, joke. Riding in the elevator, I'll stroke him. Sitting in a restaurant, I'll play with him. Everything is great. With my loved one.

37, drop him. This is no way to live.

And in general - men should make us fall in love with them, not just demand sex, but also do something to make us admire them. Everyone wants heroes. There was this one guy who kept following me around, constantly whining for sex and not doing anything to make me fall for him. And I couldn't see anything in him; when I tried to picture him, all that came to mind was this gnome-like creature with a protruding... organ. Just got on my nerves. You can't be like that. Well, I'm just speaking theoretically here, I'm not married myself)) Maybe some husbands need to get moving too, so their wives... want them.

Well, for example, I’m not lacking in temperament... but when it comes to sex with my husband, I just die inside. And I really understand men who cheat on their wives. In 20 years of marriage, I’ve stayed at 55 kg—my figure is perfect—while he’s gained 40 kg. Seriously, why should I want him? And why should I go looking for another husband because of this? What would I even find out there? I had a super lover—but how long can that last? My husband isn’t made of iron—constant suspicions... basically, I don’t see a way out. And no one’s to blame. And everything gets boring. When you respect a man too much, you can’t let loose with him. I couldn’t do the things with him that I did with my lover.

43, hmm... judging by your posts, you seem to have no sex life at all.... so angry, clearly unsatisfied)))) It probably annoys you that our husbands want us—and not just them—while we don't want to, but we could anytime we please))) Don't be so mad, ma'am, your posts are just dripping with venom in every direction))))

Virtual sex helped me, but not for long.

Generally, for women, everything is interconnected—if you're repulsive as a man, you're uninteresting as a person too. IMHO

And no one asked "non-lying goats" to stick their noses in here anyway. I will teach my children exactly what you cannot teach. Keep jumping from one nonsense to another....

Ira, you just seem very young, and your morals are just as double-sided as everyone else's.